How Children Learn to Understand Their Own Emotions

When working with children, it is easy to focus on what we can immediately see: a child refusing to participate, becoming restless, struggling to follow instructions or reacting strongly to a change in activity. These moments can be challenging for parents, educators and caregivers. However, one important lesson is that understanding behaviour requires us to look beyond the behaviour itself.

Two things deserve particular attention: what happens before an activity begins and whether the child has been shown what to do. Both can influence how children understand expectations and participate in everyday experiences.

Sometimes, Children Need Us to Show Them

Adults often explain activities verbally and expect children to understand and respond. Yet, an explanation does not always make an unfamiliar task clear. A child may benefit from watching someone demonstrate the action before being invited to try it independently.

Research supports the importance of learning through observation. Meyer et al. (2023), studying 15-month-old infants, found that variations in how adults demonstrated unfamiliar actions influenced infants' attention and were associated with subsequent learning and exploration. The study offers evidence that the way an action is demonstrated can matter, although its findings should not be assumed to apply identically to children of every age or developmental profile.

In everyday practice, modelling might mean demonstrating how to use a musical instrument, showing the steps involved in an activity, or allowing a child to observe another person taking a turn. An adult can demonstrate an action, invite the child to try it, and provide additional support where necessary.

This approach also encourages us to reconsider our expectations. Before concluding that a child is unwilling to participate, we can ask whether the activity has been explained in a way the child can understand. The difficulty may involve an unfamiliar skill or an unclear instruction rather than a deliberate refusal.

What Happens Before an Activity Matters

Another important lesson is that behaviour during an activity cannot always be understood without examining what happened immediately beforehand.

Consider transitions between activities. A child who is playing may be expected to stop, move to another space and begin a structured task. Although this sequence may seem straightforward to an adult, it involves several demands. The child may be leaving an enjoyable activity, adjusting to a new environment or preparing to do something unfamiliar.

Wilder et al. (2006) examined tantrums associated with transitions in two preschool children. Their functional analyses identified different patterns: one child's tantrums were associated with access to activities that were ending, while the other's were associated with the initiation of certain tasks. This small study cannot establish a universal explanation for children's behaviour, but it illustrates why similar outward behaviours may occur for different reasons.

Broader classroom research also highlights the importance of effective instructions, appropriate learning demands and predictable transitions. Kestner et al. (2019) argue that classroom conditions should be considered when assessing behaviour rather than automatically treating the individual child as the sole source of difficulty.

These findings encourage adults to observe carefully. What was the child doing before the activity? Was the transition sudden? Was the instruction clear? Was the task appropriate to the child's current skills? Such questions can help identify adjustments that make participation more accessible.

Looking Beyond Behaviour Is a Matter of Dignity

There is also a rights-based reason to reconsider how we interpret children's behaviour. When adults label a child as difficult, disruptive or uncooperative without examining the circumstances, they risk allowing that interpretation to shape how the child is treated.

The United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child recognises children's right to express their views, requires their views to receive appropriate consideration, and states that school discipline must respect their human dignity (United Nations, 1989, arts. 12, 28). These principles invite adults to consider children's perspectives and experiences rather than relying exclusively on adult interpretations.

Looking beyond behaviour does not mean ignoring safety concerns or assuming that every action has an innocent explanation. It means responding thoughtfully, gathering information and considering what support may be needed. Where behaviour presents a risk, adults must still protect the child and others while seeking to understand the circumstances.

What Can Adults Do Differently?

A few practical habits can help translate these lessons into everyday care:

• Demonstrate before expecting independence. Show the child what an activity involves and allow time to practise.
• Observe what happens beforehand. Pay attention to transitions, instructions, environmental demands and changes in routine.
• Adapt the activity where necessary. Consider whether clearer instructions, visual supports, additional time or a different way of participating might help.
• Listen to the child. Attend to their words, gestures, communication methods and preferences.
• Review your own approach. Ask whether the environment and expectations are supporting the child's participation.

Seeing More Than the Behaviour

Working with children invites us to become more observant, patient and willing to reconsider our assumptions. Modelling can make expectations clearer, while examining what happens before an activity can reveal factors that might otherwise be overlooked.

Neither approach provides a complete explanation for every behaviour. Together, however, they encourage a more thoughtful response: one that recognises children as individuals who are learning, communicating and responding to their surroundings.

Perhaps the most important question is not simply, “How do I stop this behaviour?” but also, “What do I need to understand, and what can I change to help this child participate?” That shift does not remove every challenge, but it creates more opportunities to respond with understanding while protecting children's dignity and rights.

References

1. Kestner, K. M., Peterson, S. M., Eldridge, R. R., & Peterson, L. D. (2019). Considerations of baseline classroom conditions in conducting functional behavior assessments in school settings. Behavior Analysis in Practice, 12, 452–465. https://doi.org/10.1007/s40617-018-0269-1

   Open-access full text: PubMed Central.

2. Meyer, M., van Schaik, J. E., Poli, F., & Hunnius, S. (2023). How infant-directed actions enhance infants’ attention, learning, and exploration: Evidence from EEG and computational modeling. Developmental Science, 26(1), e13259. https://doi.org/10.1111/desc.13259

   Open-access full text: PubMed Central.

3. United Nations. (1989). Convention on the Rights of the Child (General Assembly Resolution 44/25). https://www.unicef.org/child-rights-convention/convention-text
4. Wilder, D. A., Chen, L., Atwell, J., Pritchard, J., & Weinstein, P. (2006). Brief functional analysis and treatment of tantrums associated with transitions in preschool children. Journal of Applied Behavior Analysis, 39(1), 103–107. https://doi.org/10.1901/jaba.2006.66-04

   Open-access full text: PubMed Central.